Chaotic X-men
by Miaowing Kat
Summary: Wah, everything's gotten weird! Written with a criteria set by 8 ball
1. Default Chapter

Yes, I'd like to write a sequel for Shane Dye

Yes, I'd like to write a sequel for Shane. His friend Felix feels terrible that he got him killed, so he's out for revenge. 

I have asked 8 ball to set me a criteria, so here is what I have to do:

Someone loses both their arms in separate ways

One x man gets a strange disease that keeps turning themselves into strange objects

Someone gets abducted by a UFO

Someone become obsessed with fire

Someone becomes a cannibal

Disclaimer: Shane, Matthew and Felix are mine. You can use the guys, I'm not sure if you'd really want to. Of course, the X-men belong to Marvel, but almost everybody knows that anyway…

Matthew has a shot

Felix: Good help is so hard to find these days. I need someone with a bit more power.

Matthew: How about me? I'm pretty good you know…

Felix: Okay, we'll try that. You are avenging Shane, go kill the X-men…

Matthew: Who's going to work at my office?

Felix: I will…

Matthew: But then I might get fired!

Felix: What matters more, your job, or the death of the X-men?

Matthew: I dunno…

Felix: Oh god, of course the death of the X-men! They killed one of us!

Matthew: Oh yeah…

The man sets off for the X Mansion. In the X Mansion, Rogue is complaining about her hair…

Rogue: WAAAHHHH! Ah hate mah hair!

Gambit: But Gambit likes it!

Rogue: Who cares whut ya think? Ah need a hair cut!

Jubilee: No, you can't do that! Your hair's nice. Really, it is…

Jean: Yes, you can't cut off your hair.

Jean: [Scott, tell her the hideous hair looks good, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight]

Cyclops: YES! Your hair is gorgeous! It is magnificent, beautiful, simply breathtaking. It is the envy of all women!

Jean: [Hey, not so much!]

Rogue: Okay, Ah won't cut mah hair, calm down…

Cyclops: Thank you!

Wolverine: I'm glad you aren't going to cut your hair Rogue. Being hairy is cool. But something else is cooler. 

Gambit: And what dat be?

Wolverine: Fire. Fire is really cool.

Jean: Fire is cool? I suppose so…

Jubilee: Uh huh, whatever you say Wolverine. But fire isn't as cool as a chainsaw…

Cyclops: What's so great about a chainsaw?

Wolverine: You can cut steaks with it?

Storm: You could cut lots of stuff, is there a point?

Jubilee: Yes, you've gotten so annoying lately Storm. You just get under my skin…

Storm: Really, I had no idea… 

Jubilee: You're Miss Perfect, Miss can't do anything wrong, Miss goody-goddess!

Storm: Huh? But, I'm not perfect! I've done some terrible stuff in my life! Please, control yourself Jubilee…

Jubilee: Always telling me to control myself, I HATE that! And I HATE you! Take this!

(Jubilee saws through Storm's left arm and it lands on the floor with a thud)

Storm: Oh GODDESS! That hurt!

Rogue: Really?

Jubilee: Of course! But she deserved it!

Wolverine: No she didn't, I'm gonna take that thing off you before you hurt someone else!

(Wolverine yanks the chainsaw away from Jubilee and she starts to cry)

Jubilee: WAHHHHH! I want that chainsaw!

Jean: No way! You're dangerous with that thing, now go to your room!

(Jubilee leaves the room)

Beast: Hello, what are we doing here?

Gambit: Jubilee just cut off Stormy's arm.

Beast: Really? Fascinating…

Storm: Hello, I'm hurt here! Isn't anyone going to help me?

Rogue: Nah.

Storm: Hank, please help me in the lab.

Beast: Yes, I suppose I must, I'll try to reattach the arm, follow me.

(Beast and Storm leave the room) 

Jean: I need some fresh air, the smell of blood is stinking up the room!

Rogue: Whut smell?

Jean: That repulsive, disgusting clogging smell!

Gambit: Gambit can' smell anything chere…

Jean: What's wrong with you people?

(Jean runs out of the room covering her mouth and nose)

Cyclops: Huh, what's the matter with Jean?

Gambit: Your girlfriend be highly sensitive to de smell of blood one-eye.

Rogue: Ah'm hungry!

Gambit: Okay Roguie, where you want to go?

Rogue: Let's try something new for a change!

Gambit: Okay…

Wolverine: Steak house.

Rogue: Nah, Ah don't wanna eat at a steak house.

Gambit: Where den? Gambit has no idea where you want to eat!

Rogue: Oooh, let's try that new meat house down th' road!

Gambit: Okay! 

(Gambit and Rogue walk outside to see Jean sulking near some bushes)

Gambit: Huh? What be de matter wit' you?

Jean: Is that smell gone?

Rogue: How would we know? We can't smell it remember?

Jean: I'm not going in there until that disgusting smell is gone.

Gambit: Fine, we're going to dat new meat house, bye.

(Gambit and Rogue walk out of site and Jean looks up in the sky)

Jean: Huh? What's that thing in the sky?

Thing in the sky: I am not a bird. I am not a plane, and for God's sake, I'm not superman! I am a UFO. And I am going to abduct you.

Jean: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

UFO: Good, we like to hear people scream. It tells us we're doing our job right, scream some more.

Jean: No. Hurry up and abduct me!

UFO: Very well…

(Jean is sucked into a UFO and placed on a table)

Red Blob: Hello. My name is Red Blob and I am going to be the thing operating on you today. I want you to know that I am fully qualified for this operation and you have nothing to fear.

Jean: An operation?

Yellow Blob: Yes. We are going to perform a simple operation.

Jean: Why? 

Red Blob: Shut up and go to sleep!

(When Jean awakes, she finds that she is still on the table)

Jean: My head hurts! What did you do?

Red Blob: Something has gone wrong. All we wanted was a sample of your DNA!

Jean: Ah, I think I should tell you that I'm a mutant.

Yellow Blob: Oh crap. Well, sorry to say this, but you are going to know change your shape every so often.

Jean: WHAT!

Red Blob: You heard it! It said that we have accidentally gone and given you a disease where you keep changing your shape. So sorry, but there's nothing we can do about it…

Yellow Blob: Bye!

(Jean finds herself on the ground and looks at a clock near the road.)

Jean: Oh dear, it's almost 9pm. Scott'll have been worried.

(Jean hears a noise and turns to see Rogue and Gambit walking up the road)

Gambit: Mon Dieu! Dat place should be shut down!

Rogue: Aw you're over reacting! So what if it was cannibal food? It was tasty!

Gambit: Chere, we just be eating people! Dat's not leagal!

Rogue: I want some more! I need more people to eat!

Gambit: Non…

Rogue: Sorry, you're th' only one around…

*FIN* *Well, for now anyway. I'll add another chapter later on*


	2. 2nd chapter

Second chapter!

Gambit: Rogue, please tell me you are not serious…

Rogue: Sugah, Ah'm hungry! You're th' only one around!

Jean: No! You can't eat Gambit! I won't let you.

Rogue: Where'd ya come from?

Jean: From… Huh? I feel strange.

Rogue: EEEEK! Jean, you're a carrot! 

Jean: Oh GOD!!! Help me!

Gambit: I like carrots. *I hope this is true in the comics/other stuff (cuz they're good fer ya!)*

Jean: I don't care what you like! Just help me.

Rogue: Yeah, Ah'll take ya into th' mansion.

Rogue carries Jean into the kitchen.

Jean: Not in here.

Rogue: Why not?

Jean: I'm a vegetable right now. If you leave, someone might just eat me!

Gambit: Dat be true. 

Rogue: Oh, all right! 

(Rogue carries Jean into the hallway, but then Jean grows in size and into a grizzly bear.)

Jean: Ooooooops…

Gambit: Mon Dieu, you just squished Rogue!

Rogue: Ya ferget that Ah am a mutant!

Gambit: Dat right. Good, you not be squished, but we still got a big fuzzy Jean in de hallway.

Jean: No, I think I'm about to turn into something else…

Rogue and Gambit watch as Jean is shrunk into a goldfish.

Jean: Help help! I need water!

(Rogue pops her into the sink as Gambit turns the tap on.)

Jean: God, I hate this! I'm going to have to change soon or I'll run out of oxygen!

(Jean changes shape again and is now Jean Grey in a wedding dress sitting on the sink. Wolverine walks into the kitchen.)

Wolverine: Jean?

Jean: It's not what you think Logan!

Wolverine: I have feelings you know! I don't like the fact that you're married, but the fact that you have to come and flaunt it in my face! 

Jean: No no! That's not it at all!

Wolverine: Don't tell me you're marrying Gumbo? If you did…

Gambit: Non! She be not marrying Gambit!

Rogue: That's right! If he were marrying Jean, he'd be dead.

Wolverine: So, you're marrying me?

Jean: Uh…

Wolverine: You're marrying me! You're marrying me! I can't believe it! You finally came to your senses and dumped Cyke-o!

Jean: I have not dumped Scott!

Wolverine: You're marrying two guys? 

Jean: I'm not marrying you!

Wolverine: Why not? I'm every gal's type of guy! I'm smooth, sophisticated, smart, handsome and other cool stuff! 

Gambit: Non homme. You be not'ing of dose things.

Wolverine: Yeah? Well …

Gambit: Gambit what mon ami?

Wolverine: You suck!

Jean: Oh no, I'm changing again!

(Jean changes into a butterfly)

Jean: Oh, this is actually quite nice!

Wolverine: Huh? What just happened? Where's Jean?

Rogue: There's somethin' we gotta explain Wolvie, Jean has this weird disease where she keeps changing shape. We dunno what ta do.

Wolverine: Oh.

Gambit: Dat's it? Oh?

Wolverine: What do you want me to say? It's pretty obvious, she's just changed shape.

Rogue: Ya okay sugah?

Wolverine: Yeah, question is, what are we going to do about it?

Gambit: Wow. I did not t'ink dat you would be so calm.

Wolverine: Uh, okay… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jean: Calm down Logan!

Wolverine: Whatever you say Jeanie.

Gambit: But d'homme be right. We need to t'ink of what we are going to do. Jean can not be going out and fighting if she is turning into a whale or somet'ing!

Beast and Storm come in.

Beast: Ah hello my friends. Why have we all gathered in one area? Is there a matter of importance?

Rogue: There sure is sugah!

Wolverine: Jean has a weird disease where she keeps changing shape.

Storm: By the Goddess! Where is she?

Jean: I'm here!

Beast: Ah yes, I see. Well, why don't we go to my lab and I'll see if I can find what is wrong.

Jean: Thanks, Uh oh, I'm about to change shape!

Everyone watches as Jean changes into a ball of fire.

Wolverine: Great ball of fire…

Jean: Cool!

Wolverine: Yes…Cool…

Jean: Logan, are you okay?

Wolverine: I'm… fine…

Gambit: You don't look dat well mon ami. You sure you okay?

Wolverine: Leave me alone Gumbo…Look at…the fire…

Beast: Jean, we have to get you out of here now!

Jean: I'm coming…

Beast and the ball of fire go downstairs.

Storm: Ah, this hurts so much!

Gambit: What does Stormy?

Storm: My arm you fool! Can't you see it's missing?

Jubilee and Cyclops walk in.

Jubilee: Hey, when did you loose your arm Storm?

Storm: You cut it off, remember!

Jubilee: Did I?

Cyclops: Did she?

Storm: YES!

Rogue: Hey Storm, ya wouldn't happen ta still have yer arm would ya?

Storm: Yes, it's in my room. I have placed it in a glass box.

Rogue: (drooling) Cool, can ya show it ta me?

Gambit: Non, she is going to eat dat! Don't give it to her Stormy!

Storm: Don't call me that LeBeau!

Storm and Rogue fly off to Storm's bedroom.

Cyclops: Why would Rogue eat Storm's arm?

Gambit: We went to dis restaurant, and it turns out dey were serving cannibal food. Is disgusting yeah?

Jubilee: Ewwww! You mean you ATE someone?

Gambit: Don't remind Gambit!

Storm runs down the stairs, her other arm being gnawed away by Rogue

Storm: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Get her off me!!!

Gambit: Gambit warned you…

Cyclops: Rogue, get off Storm!

Wolverine and Cyclops pull Rogue away from Storm.

Rogue: No! Ah need th' flesh!

Cyclops: Rogue, calm yourself!

Storm: She has eaten my arm, and look at this one! It is dangling by a thread!

Jean and Beast walk in.

Beast: Well, I've sort of stabilized Jean's DNA, so she shouldn't change shape so often at least.

Wolverine: Yeah, well we got another crisis for you. Can you reattach Storm's arm for her?

Beast: Again?

Storm: No, the other one. Rogue bit it off!

Beast and Storm go back down into the lab. A strange looking man enters into the chaotic kitchen.

Matthew: FEAR ME! I am Matthew, and I have come to teach you a lesson!

Rogue: Do Ah have ta?

Matthew: Yes…

*K, the next one should be the last chapter…*


End file.
